Avoiding Third Person Lazy

          When setting out to tell a story, an author must carefully choose the point of view. Third person is the most common choice and can be broken down into omniscient or limited. Within third person limited there can be single major character viewpoint, minor character viewpoint, and multiple viewpoints.

          Multiple viewpoints is very popular today. This is where the story is told by only one character at a time, but the viewpoint character switches between two or more characters throughout the course of the novel. As The Writer's Craft website says, "This can be an effective tool when used for the right reasons. Remember, it has to add something to your story to have it told from different points of view because you lose intimacy and sometimes momentum by switching from one character to the next and then you increase the danger of losing your reader unless the transitions are well done. Consider what you are going to gain from the switch: Needed information? A different perspective to explore a good subplot? A chance to switch locations?"

          Too often novice writers (myself included when starting out) resort to what I call third person lazy. This is where a writer bounces to different POV's because he hasn't decided what character  is best at telling the story, or has trouble being consistent in a character's POV, or is trying to "tell" too much. Allowing yourself to bounce in different character's heads often leads to lazy writing technique instead of putting work into improving dialogue, character interaction, setting, and so on.

          Recently I began reading a story where I was immediately aware of POV issues. The result was I kept being pulled out of the story to the point I wanted to stop reading. Not a good sign. The following is part of the first chapter I was reading. It is presented exactly as the author wrote it, except for the character names which I have changed. This is by no means meant to be a bashing of the author of this particular work but an example of how issues with POV can affect the readability of the story. I think it is a good example of how the multiple viewpoints are doing a disservice to the story the author is trying to tell.

            The Back Line Bar used to be Matthew Grant's favorite hangout, but too many beers and twenty-one-year-old busty cheerleader types had lost their appeal. It had been at least two years since he'd visited. He wouldn't be here tonight if it weren't for Bill Massey insisting he needed to talk to him, and it had to be here away from the office. Undoubtedly, Bill would do his best to butter him up to get consideration for the deputy prosecutor position he had open. He spotted Bill at the bar and headed for him.
            The bar seemed filled to capacity as Claire Lewis-Ford waded through the crowd toward her friends' table. Lisa and Pam, both waving wildly at her, had been her friends since college. She reached them and slid into the booth, nearly knocking over their huge margaritas. The waitress arrived with a margarita for Claire, along with a large basket of nachos and spicy, cheesy dip.
            "How is our soon-to-be-free girl doing?" Lisa asked as she scanned Claire's expression. It had been more than sixty days since Claire had filed for the divorce Lisa thought she should have gotten a couple years ago. One of the things she loved about Claire was her loyalty. However, there was a limit to how long a woman should be loyal to a cheating, gambling, lying asshole. In Lisa's opinion, 2.5 seconds was enough time to give the jerk before she threw his stuff out the front door.
            "I'm good. I've been so busy at work; there hasn't been much time to think about the divorce," Claire said.
            "When is D-Day?" Pam looked her over. Claire looked tired, but other than that, she was beautiful as ever, with shoulder-length auburn hair, dressed in a red silk tee and snug, faded jeans. The sooner Claire's divorce hearing was over the better. She needed time to heal, and then get on with her life.
            Claire sighed. "Allen is contesting the property settlement, so there's a hearing tomorrow."
            "You can't be serious! That takes nerve, after all the money he's lost in the casinos. What does he want?" Lisa exclaimed.
            "What doesn't he want?"
            Pam perked up in her seat and whispered to Anne, "Don't look now, but there's a gorgeous hunk sitting at the bar, checking you out big-time."
            Claire laughed. "Very funny, Pam. The last time I got checked out was at the grocery store."
            "That's not true, and I'm serious," Pam insisted. "Pretend you're looking for someone in the crowd, and check out the tall guy in the black leather jacket at the bar."
            Claire sipped her drink, then nonchalantly scanned the room, starting at the door and ending at the bar. "I think he's looking at you not me."
            "Seriously? Have you had your eyes checked lately? His eyes are super-glued on you," said Pam.
            Lisa purred, "He looks like one of those hot male models from an Armani ad."
            "Would you two please stop staring?" Claire rolled her eyes and sipped her margarita.
            She glanced over at the bar. The hunk in question was sitting next to a man in a suit, but was clearly not listening to a word he said. He did seem to be looking at her. Once their eyes met, he shot her a devastating smile that made her catch her breath. A blush burned her cheeks as she looked away.
            "See, I told you he was checking you out." Jan said with a smirk.

                                                                          ****

            Matthew sipped his beer and continued to stare at one of the most attractive women he had seen in a long, long time. Bill Masey ignored him and droned on about his prosecutor qualifications. "Hey, Bill," he interrupted.
            "Yeah."
            "Do you come to this bar very often?"
            "Sure. Most attorneys do, because it's so close to the courthouse. Why?"
            "See that group of women in a booth over there? Do you know the one with the long red hair?"
            "No," Bill shook his head. "I've seen the blonde she's with, but I've never seen the redhead here."
            Matthew just nodded, and Bill returned to his self-sale pitch.

                                                                           ****

            "Pam, can we talk about something else? The conversation is pretty inappropriate, since I'm not divorced yet," said Claire.
            "Claire, for once, would you please give yourself a break? Maybe the thing you need right now is a fling," said Pam. Lisa nodded her head in agreement.
            "I'm not a fling kind of girl."
            "Yeah, like we missed that one in college. It was all we could do to get your nose out of your books long enough to come up for air." Pam poked Lisa in the ribs and they both laughed.
            "I wasn't that boring, was I?"
            "No, honey, you weren't boring. You just didn't have much fun," said Pam.
            "You two had enough fun for all of us."
            "So when was the last time you had sex? Pam demanded, smiling at how quickly Anne blushed.
            "You did not just ask me that."
            "Has it been months? Or years?"
            "It's nobody's business." It had been two years, not that Claire would ever admit it, she could probably be a nominee for a book of records — married woman who had gone the longest without sex.
            "Just saying. Time might be right for a fling."
            "No thanks," said Claire. She took a quick look at her watch. It was nearly eight o'clock.
            "Why are you looking at your watch? You're not leaving yet. You just got here."
            "I've got a big dog at home with a huge appetite, and he usually eats his dinner at six. I really need to get home before he starts eating the furniture."
            "Claire, we didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. Don't go."
            "I love you two. You didn't make me uncomfortable, but I really do need to go." Claire threw her purse over her shoulder, then hugged each of them, promising to get back together soon. She headed for the door weaving in and out of people as she went.

          This excerpt starts with Matthew's POV for one paragraph then immediately switches to Claire's in the next. There are also physical breaks in the scene switching back and forth between Matthew and Claire. We get Pam's POV which only serves to deliver us a physical description of Claire. We also get Lisa's POV which is used by the author to tell us how bad Claire's soon to be ex is. The POVs of Pam and Lisa come across as contrived and I'm hearing the author's voice more than the character's, especially since we really don't hear from these characters again.

          After a quick rewrite, here is one solution to improve the POV in this selection:

             The Back Line Bar seemed filled to capacity as Claire Lewis-Ford waded through the crowd toward her friends' table where Lisa and Pam were both waving wildly at her. She reached them and slid into the booth, nearly knocking over their huge margaritas. The waitress arrived with a margarita for Claire, along with a large basket of nachos and spicy, cheesy dip.
            "How is our soon-to-be-free girl doing?" Lisa asked after Claire finished a long sip of her margarita.
            Claire knew the topic of her divorce was going to come up at some point during her get together with her old college friends. It had been more than sixty days since she had filed for the divorce, but if Lisa and Pam had their way she would've filed a couple years ago. Even with Arnold's lying and cheating, she had been loyal to a fault.
            "I'm good. I've been so busy at work; there hasn't been much time to think about the divorce," Claire said, hoping the topic would drop.
            "When is D-Day?" Pam asked.
            Claire sighed. "Arnold is contesting the property settlement, so there's a hearing tomorrow."
            "You can't be serious! That takes nerve, after all the money he's lost in the casinos. What does he want?" Lisa exclaimed.
            "What doesn't he want?" she said tiredly.
            Pam must've picked up on Claire's need to change subjects. She perked up in her seat and whispered to her, "Don't look now, but there's a gorgeous hunk sitting at the bar, checking you out big-time."
            Claire laughed. "Very funny, Pam. The last time I got checked out was at the grocery store."
            "That's not true, and I'm serious," Pam insisted. "Pretend you're looking for someone in the crowd, and check out the tall guy in the black leather jacket at the bar."
            Claire sipped her drink, then nonchalantly scanned the room, starting at the door and ending at the bar. "I think he's looking at you not me."
            "Seriously? Have you had your eyes checked lately? His eyes are super-glued on you," said Pam.
            Lisa purred, "He looks like one of those hot male models from an Armani ad."
            "Would you two please stop staring?" Claire rolled her eyes and sipped her margarita.
            She glanced over at the bar. The hunk in question was sitting next to a man in a suit, but was clearly not listening to a word he said. He did seem to be looking at her. Once their eyes met, he shot her a devastating smile that made her catch her breath. A blush burned her cheeks as she looked away.
            "See, I told you he was checking you out." Pam said with a smirk.
            "Can we talk about something else? The conversation is pretty inappropriate, since I'm not divorced yet," said Claire.
            "For once, would you please give yourself a break? Maybe the thing you need right now is a fling," said Pam. Lisa nodded her head in agreement.
            "I'm not a fling kind of girl."
            "Yeah, like we missed that one in college. It was all we could do to get your nose out of your books long enough to come up for air." Pam poked Lisa in the ribs and they both laughed.
            "I wasn't that boring, was I?"
            "No, honey, you weren't boring. You just didn't have much fun," said Pam.
            "You two had enough fun for all of us."
            "So when was the last time you had sex? Pam demanded.
            Claire felt her cheeks warm. "You did not just ask me that."
            Pam smiled, obviously noticing the blush, and continued to tease. "Has it been months? Or years?"
            "It's nobody's business." It had been two years, not that Claire would ever admit it, she could probably be a nominee for a book of records — married woman who had gone the longest without sex.
            Pam shrugged. "Just saying. Time might be right for a fling."
            "No thanks," said Claire. She took a quick look at her watch. It was nearly eight o'clock.
            "Why are you looking at your watch?" Lisa asked. "You're not leaving yet. You just got here."
            "I've got a big dog at home with a huge appetite, and he usually eats his dinner at six. I really need to get home before he starts eating the furniture."
            "Claire, we didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. Don't go."
            "I love you two. You didn't make me uncomfortable, but I really do need to go. Not only for the dog, but I got to be up early. The hearing is set for early in the morning." Claire threw her purse over her shoulder, then hugged each of them, promising to get back together soon. She headed for the door weaving in and out of people as she went.

          This rewrite keeps the focus on Claire and everything is related from her POV. Lisa's POV has been reworked into Claire's and the physical description given by Pam has been removed. The physical description could work better in Matthew's POV when he notices Claire in the bar or weave it into the conversation between Claire and her friends.

          I removed the bits of Matthew's POV and feel the story would be better served by having his POV of the scene in the bar separate from Claire's. His POV could end with him leaving the bar which sets both characters up to be in the parking lot at the same time, which is the setting for the next part of the chapter. I would've rewritten Matthew's POV to show how to incorporate the physical description and to tie in what was happening over at Claire's table but there wasn't enough material provided by the author.

          This leads back to questioning what purpose his POV has. If this is going to be a dual POV story, then Matthew's part needs to be beefed up. If this is Claire's story, then the author needs to see the story through her eyes alone and leave Matthew out until they get to a scene where they interact together.

          While third person multiple viewpoints is very popular today it can lead to lazy writing. When starting a story, decide on which kind of point of view will best serve your story and then what character is the most effective in doing this. Above all be consistent. This will help your readers enjoy the story you want to tell.