Avoiding Third Person Lazy

          When setting out to tell a story, an author must carefully choose the point of view. Third person is the most common choice and can be broken down into omniscient or limited. Within third person limited there can be single major character viewpoint, minor character viewpoint, and multiple viewpoints.

          Multiple viewpoints is very popular today. This is where the story is told by only one character at a time, but the viewpoint character switches between two or more characters throughout the course of the novel. As The Writer's Craft website says, "This can be an effective tool when used for the right reasons. Remember, it has to add something to your story to have it told from different points of view because you lose intimacy and sometimes momentum by switching from one character to the next and then you increase the danger of losing your reader unless the transitions are well done. Consider what you are going to gain from the switch: Needed information? A different perspective to explore a good subplot? A chance to switch locations?"

          Too often novice writers (myself included when starting out) resort to what I call third person lazy. This is where a writer bounces to different POV's because he hasn't decided what character  is best at telling the story, or has trouble being consistent in a character's POV, or is trying to "tell" too much. Allowing yourself to bounce in different character's heads often leads to lazy writing technique instead of putting work into improving dialogue, character interaction, setting, and so on.

          Recently I began reading a story where I was immediately aware of POV issues. The result was I kept being pulled out of the story to the point I wanted to stop reading. Not a good sign. The following is part of the first chapter I was reading. It is presented exactly as the author wrote it, except for the character names which I have changed. This is by no means meant to be a bashing of the author of this particular work but an example of how issues with POV can affect the readability of the story. I think it is a good example of how the multiple viewpoints are doing a disservice to the story the author is trying to tell.

            The Back Line Bar used to be Matthew Grant's favorite hangout, but too many beers and twenty-one-year-old busty cheerleader types had lost their appeal. It had been at least two years since he'd visited. He wouldn't be here tonight if it weren't for Bill Massey insisting he needed to talk to him, and it had to be here away from the office. Undoubtedly, Bill would do his best to butter him up to get consideration for the deputy prosecutor position he had open. He spotted Bill at the bar and headed for him.
            The bar seemed filled to capacity as Claire Lewis-Ford waded through the crowd toward her friends' table. Lisa and Pam, both waving wildly at her, had been her friends since college. She reached them and slid into the booth, nearly knocking over their huge margaritas. The waitress arrived with a margarita for Claire, along with a large basket of nachos and spicy, cheesy dip.
            "How is our soon-to-be-free girl doing?" Lisa asked as she scanned Claire's expression. It had been more than sixty days since Claire had filed for the divorce Lisa thought she should have gotten a couple years ago. One of the things she loved about Claire was her loyalty. However, there was a limit to how long a woman should be loyal to a cheating, gambling, lying asshole. In Lisa's opinion, 2.5 seconds was enough time to give the jerk before she threw his stuff out the front door.
            "I'm good. I've been so busy at work; there hasn't been much time to think about the divorce," Claire said.
            "When is D-Day?" Pam looked her over. Claire looked tired, but other than that, she was beautiful as ever, with shoulder-length auburn hair, dressed in a red silk tee and snug, faded jeans. The sooner Claire's divorce hearing was over the better. She needed time to heal, and then get on with her life.
            Claire sighed. "Allen is contesting the property settlement, so there's a hearing tomorrow."
            "You can't be serious! That takes nerve, after all the money he's lost in the casinos. What does he want?" Lisa exclaimed.
            "What doesn't he want?"
            Pam perked up in her seat and whispered to Anne, "Don't look now, but there's a gorgeous hunk sitting at the bar, checking you out big-time."
            Claire laughed. "Very funny, Pam. The last time I got checked out was at the grocery store."
            "That's not true, and I'm serious," Pam insisted. "Pretend you're looking for someone in the crowd, and check out the tall guy in the black leather jacket at the bar."
            Claire sipped her drink, then nonchalantly scanned the room, starting at the door and ending at the bar. "I think he's looking at you not me."
            "Seriously? Have you had your eyes checked lately? His eyes are super-glued on you," said Pam.
            Lisa purred, "He looks like one of those hot male models from an Armani ad."
            "Would you two please stop staring?" Claire rolled her eyes and sipped her margarita.
            She glanced over at the bar. The hunk in question was sitting next to a man in a suit, but was clearly not listening to a word he said. He did seem to be looking at her. Once their eyes met, he shot her a devastating smile that made her catch her breath. A blush burned her cheeks as she looked away.
            "See, I told you he was checking you out." Jan said with a smirk.

                                                                          ****

            Matthew sipped his beer and continued to stare at one of the most attractive women he had seen in a long, long time. Bill Masey ignored him and droned on about his prosecutor qualifications. "Hey, Bill," he interrupted.
            "Yeah."
            "Do you come to this bar very often?"
            "Sure. Most attorneys do, because it's so close to the courthouse. Why?"
            "See that group of women in a booth over there? Do you know the one with the long red hair?"
            "No," Bill shook his head. "I've seen the blonde she's with, but I've never seen the redhead here."
            Matthew just nodded, and Bill returned to his self-sale pitch.

                                                                           ****

            "Pam, can we talk about something else? The conversation is pretty inappropriate, since I'm not divorced yet," said Claire.
            "Claire, for once, would you please give yourself a break? Maybe the thing you need right now is a fling," said Pam. Lisa nodded her head in agreement.
            "I'm not a fling kind of girl."
            "Yeah, like we missed that one in college. It was all we could do to get your nose out of your books long enough to come up for air." Pam poked Lisa in the ribs and they both laughed.
            "I wasn't that boring, was I?"
            "No, honey, you weren't boring. You just didn't have much fun," said Pam.
            "You two had enough fun for all of us."
            "So when was the last time you had sex? Pam demanded, smiling at how quickly Anne blushed.
            "You did not just ask me that."
            "Has it been months? Or years?"
            "It's nobody's business." It had been two years, not that Claire would ever admit it, she could probably be a nominee for a book of records — married woman who had gone the longest without sex.
            "Just saying. Time might be right for a fling."
            "No thanks," said Claire. She took a quick look at her watch. It was nearly eight o'clock.
            "Why are you looking at your watch? You're not leaving yet. You just got here."
            "I've got a big dog at home with a huge appetite, and he usually eats his dinner at six. I really need to get home before he starts eating the furniture."
            "Claire, we didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. Don't go."
            "I love you two. You didn't make me uncomfortable, but I really do need to go." Claire threw her purse over her shoulder, then hugged each of them, promising to get back together soon. She headed for the door weaving in and out of people as she went.

          This excerpt starts with Matthew's POV for one paragraph then immediately switches to Claire's in the next. There are also physical breaks in the scene switching back and forth between Matthew and Claire. We get Pam's POV which only serves to deliver us a physical description of Claire. We also get Lisa's POV which is used by the author to tell us how bad Claire's soon to be ex is. The POVs of Pam and Lisa come across as contrived and I'm hearing the author's voice more than the character's, especially since we really don't hear from these characters again.

          After a quick rewrite, here is one solution to improve the POV in this selection:

             The Back Line Bar seemed filled to capacity as Claire Lewis-Ford waded through the crowd toward her friends' table where Lisa and Pam were both waving wildly at her. She reached them and slid into the booth, nearly knocking over their huge margaritas. The waitress arrived with a margarita for Claire, along with a large basket of nachos and spicy, cheesy dip.
            "How is our soon-to-be-free girl doing?" Lisa asked after Claire finished a long sip of her margarita.
            Claire knew the topic of her divorce was going to come up at some point during her get together with her old college friends. It had been more than sixty days since she had filed for the divorce, but if Lisa and Pam had their way she would've filed a couple years ago. Even with Arnold's lying and cheating, she had been loyal to a fault.
            "I'm good. I've been so busy at work; there hasn't been much time to think about the divorce," Claire said, hoping the topic would drop.
            "When is D-Day?" Pam asked.
            Claire sighed. "Arnold is contesting the property settlement, so there's a hearing tomorrow."
            "You can't be serious! That takes nerve, after all the money he's lost in the casinos. What does he want?" Lisa exclaimed.
            "What doesn't he want?" she said tiredly.
            Pam must've picked up on Claire's need to change subjects. She perked up in her seat and whispered to her, "Don't look now, but there's a gorgeous hunk sitting at the bar, checking you out big-time."
            Claire laughed. "Very funny, Pam. The last time I got checked out was at the grocery store."
            "That's not true, and I'm serious," Pam insisted. "Pretend you're looking for someone in the crowd, and check out the tall guy in the black leather jacket at the bar."
            Claire sipped her drink, then nonchalantly scanned the room, starting at the door and ending at the bar. "I think he's looking at you not me."
            "Seriously? Have you had your eyes checked lately? His eyes are super-glued on you," said Pam.
            Lisa purred, "He looks like one of those hot male models from an Armani ad."
            "Would you two please stop staring?" Claire rolled her eyes and sipped her margarita.
            She glanced over at the bar. The hunk in question was sitting next to a man in a suit, but was clearly not listening to a word he said. He did seem to be looking at her. Once their eyes met, he shot her a devastating smile that made her catch her breath. A blush burned her cheeks as she looked away.
            "See, I told you he was checking you out." Pam said with a smirk.
            "Can we talk about something else? The conversation is pretty inappropriate, since I'm not divorced yet," said Claire.
            "For once, would you please give yourself a break? Maybe the thing you need right now is a fling," said Pam. Lisa nodded her head in agreement.
            "I'm not a fling kind of girl."
            "Yeah, like we missed that one in college. It was all we could do to get your nose out of your books long enough to come up for air." Pam poked Lisa in the ribs and they both laughed.
            "I wasn't that boring, was I?"
            "No, honey, you weren't boring. You just didn't have much fun," said Pam.
            "You two had enough fun for all of us."
            "So when was the last time you had sex? Pam demanded.
            Claire felt her cheeks warm. "You did not just ask me that."
            Pam smiled, obviously noticing the blush, and continued to tease. "Has it been months? Or years?"
            "It's nobody's business." It had been two years, not that Claire would ever admit it, she could probably be a nominee for a book of records — married woman who had gone the longest without sex.
            Pam shrugged. "Just saying. Time might be right for a fling."
            "No thanks," said Claire. She took a quick look at her watch. It was nearly eight o'clock.
            "Why are you looking at your watch?" Lisa asked. "You're not leaving yet. You just got here."
            "I've got a big dog at home with a huge appetite, and he usually eats his dinner at six. I really need to get home before he starts eating the furniture."
            "Claire, we didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. Don't go."
            "I love you two. You didn't make me uncomfortable, but I really do need to go. Not only for the dog, but I got to be up early. The hearing is set for early in the morning." Claire threw her purse over her shoulder, then hugged each of them, promising to get back together soon. She headed for the door weaving in and out of people as she went.

          This rewrite keeps the focus on Claire and everything is related from her POV. Lisa's POV has been reworked into Claire's and the physical description given by Pam has been removed. The physical description could work better in Matthew's POV when he notices Claire in the bar or weave it into the conversation between Claire and her friends.

          I removed the bits of Matthew's POV and feel the story would be better served by having his POV of the scene in the bar separate from Claire's. His POV could end with him leaving the bar which sets both characters up to be in the parking lot at the same time, which is the setting for the next part of the chapter. I would've rewritten Matthew's POV to show how to incorporate the physical description and to tie in what was happening over at Claire's table but there wasn't enough material provided by the author.

          This leads back to questioning what purpose his POV has. If this is going to be a dual POV story, then Matthew's part needs to be beefed up. If this is Claire's story, then the author needs to see the story through her eyes alone and leave Matthew out until they get to a scene where they interact together.

          While third person multiple viewpoints is very popular today it can lead to lazy writing. When starting a story, decide on which kind of point of view will best serve your story and then what character is the most effective in doing this. Above all be consistent. This will help your readers enjoy the story you want to tell.

A Character's "Mirror Moment"

          Not too long ago a writer friend was sharing with me a book called Write Your Novel From the Middle by James Scott Bell. As a reader and writer who loves characters, I found this book particularly interesting with regards to his thoughts on character development.

          Bell looked at his favorite novels and movies and pinpointed the exact middle in every one. He found that in the middle, or close to it, the lead character has a "look in the mirror moment." Bell stresses that this is not the same as the midpoint of the plot where there is a plot point where something external happens that changes the course of the story. The middle is a character point where something internal happens that bonds the audience and characters on a deeper level. It is not a scene but a moment within a scene that pulls together the entire narrative, what Bell calls "the true center." It is what the story is really about. At the Mirror Moment, which often comes at a low point for the character, he will have to fundamentally change or grow stronger.

          In a character-driven story the character looks at himself and wonders what kind of person he is. What is he becoming? If he continues the fight, how will he be different? What will he have to do to overcome his inner challenges? How will he have to change to battle successfully?

          For plot-driven fiction the character looks at himself and considers the odds against him. At this point the forces seem so vast that there is virtually no way to go on and not face certain death, be it physical, professional, or psychological.

          Bell places the Mirror Moment at the apex of his Golden Triangle as pictured below. Once you have identified your character's Mirror Moment then it is time to tackle the other corners of your triangle. Depending on the type of writer you are, you may start at the other corners first.

                                             The Golden Triangle

                                                            Mirror Moment

                                                   What your story is really about

 

                   Pre-Story Psychology                                            Transformation

                  Makes the Mirror Moment                                       The visual actions that prove

                  necessary                                                                   transformation

          Bell gives numerous examples from literature and film that illustrate his points. The example I will provide here is from the movie Lethal Weapon.

Pre-Story Psychology:  Martin Riggs is suicidal due to the murder of his wife. He is isolated and anti-social. He carries around a hollow-point bullet that he will use on himself someday.

Magic Mirror Moment:  After spending an evening at his partner's home, Riggs bares his soul and admits to his partner killing people is "the only thing I was ever good at."

Transformation:  Riggs shows up at his partner's home on Christmas Eve. The daughter invites him in but he demurs. He hands her a gift to give to her father. It's the hollow-point bullet with a ribbon wrapped around it. Riggs doesn't need it anymore.

          For some writers, having a Golden Triangle for a character in mind can help the scenes of a story fall in place more easily because they'll know what they are writing towards. Remember, this is just a quick glossing overview of a part of Bell's book and ideas. If this approach sounds interesting, check out Writing Your Novel From the Middle. Happy writing!

Expanded Scenes

     I thought I would give #1lineWed a go this week. The topic for December 2nd was humor. It was challenging to get the humor across when dealing with the limited amount of characters. I thought I would post a couple expanded scenes to provide more of a context to the lines I selected.  The first scene is from my book, Entangled, which was released this year. The second scene is from my second novel in this series that is currently in progress.

Scene 1

Sonya drove to Ashlin High School. She went to the office and formally introduced herself and said she was there to interview students who knew Connor Evans. She asked if there was a private office she could use and was shown to the guidance counselor’s office. Sonya requested Mike Traynor be told simply to report to the office.

In about five minutes the door opened and Mike stepped in. He was a big kid, about six two with dark wavy hair. Sonya indicated he should take the seat across from her. He closed the door behind him and sat looking completely relaxed with a slight smirk on his face. He maintained eye contact with Sonya without so much as a flinch. He was well practiced.

“Mike Traynor?” Sonya asked.

“Maybe.”

“I hope I’m not taking you away from anything important.”

Mike’s smirk grew. “You can get me out of f****** American Government anytime.”

“More exciting to watch sh** dry in the sun, huh?”

Mike’s smirk was gone and his eyes narrowed a bit. “Are you a guidance counselor?”

“Of sorts,” Sonya said as she couldn’t help her own smirk from touching her lips. “I’m Detective Reisler.”

Scene 2

            Mike shuffled out of the hall clad only in a pair of boxer briefs. He scanned the family room then headed for the kitchen, his brows knitted together.

            Sonya glowered at him briefly before washing out her own mug, still miffed over his taste in dates. "Looking for someone?"

            "Yeah. The girl I brought home last night. She said she would..." his voice trailed off as he noticed Sonya's gun and badge. "Oh, hell no. You scared her off, didn't you?"

            Sonya shrugged as she dried her hands. "I thought I was being friendly enough. She offered me a not so legal morning pick me up and I offered not to bust her for possession if she got the hell out."

            Mike closed his eyes and groaned.

            She walked over to him, reached up and slapped him hard on the back of his head. "What the hell is wrong with you bringing someone like that here?" she hissed. "Skeeter doesn't need to be seeing that kind of stuff. Not to mention Connor could lose guardianship of her."

            "I didn't know she was into sh** like that," Mike hissed back as he rubbed his head. "Talking wasn't high on the list of activities last night."

            "You should also be wearing more clothes coming out here."

            Mike scowled at her. "I was planning on wearing nothing but that brunette for a couple more hours," he grumbled.

            Sonya focused her eyes a bit lower and smirked. "I can tell."

            "Jesus," he said as he took a step back from her and quickly positioned himself behind the island.

            Grinning, Sonya hopped up on the island next to Mike. "You should actually be thanking me. Mornings are not kind to that girl."

            "Nobody says I have to look at her. I'm sure there's more than one reason they call it doggy style."

            "God, you're so bad," Sonya said, as she smacked his shoulder.

            A grin started to play at the corners of his mouth. "I think you like bad."

Evolution of the Bad Boy

     I have spent the last couple of months discovering Wattpad and have had quite a bit of fun reading stories posted on the site. While scrolling through the teen fiction category I began seeing numerous stories with "Bad Boy" in the title. I began to note the number of titles, many of which had me laughing, and thought about what it is that draws readers (millions of them) to this type of story. My curiosity was piqued so I added a bunch to my library and got acquainted with the modern high school bad boy.

     The concept of the bad boy has its roots in ancient literature. In the Epic of Gilgamesh, dating from 2100 B.C., there is the character of Enkidu. He is described as a wild man who is tamed and civilized by a temple prostitute named Shamhat and later becomes a close companion of Gilgamesh.

     The fairy tale Beauty and the Beast, by Jeanne-Marie Leprince de Beaumont, came on the scene in 1756. The bad boy in the story has physically become animal-like while maintaining his civility. Once again it is up to a woman to bring about change but, instead of taming him with sex, it is love that transforms the Beast.

     While there are many other stories that could be highlighted, these two came to mind as I was reading my sampling of stories. I found the modern bad boy has evolved into a hybrid of the two and that the allure of capturing, taming, and transforming this type of male character has not diminished over time.

     In the Epic of Gilgamesh, Enkidu is naturally wild. He was raised by animals and knows nothing of the ways of civilized man. The modern bad boy is wild by choice. He consciously makes decisions to fit society's perception of what is bad and willingly participates in unacceptable or risky behavior. They are often portrayed as having a motorcycle or fast car and having vices such as smoking and drinking. Partying, brushes with the law, and getting in trouble at school are common elements. They are physically strong and are not afraid to get into physical confrontations with peers.

     Shamhat tamed Enkidu with sex, but this tactic does not work for the modern bad boy. He is having plenty of sex and that fact is well-known by the whole student body. Terms like "player" and "manwhore" are often used to describe him. Sex is part of his wild ways, not a means to tame him.

     While the Beast was hideous to look at and was avoided, the modern bad boys are not. They are extremely good-looking and have no problem attracting females to them, hence all the sex they are getting. They tend to be popular, intelligent, confident, cocky, and have a charisma that draws people to them. Often they are part of sports teams at school and have a position of authority over their peers, like captain or quarterback.

     Like the Beast, though, they are cursed. Most bad boys have had some sort of secret tragedy befall them that has changed them into who they are now. Unlike the Beast, they were not always bad and the heroine of the story often catches glimpses of this which makes the bad boy worthy of her interest. Finding out his secret becomes her quest.

     So what kind of girl does it take to tame the modern bad boy? Like Shamhat of old, the heroine has to be up for the challenge and is willing to invest the time, but falling under his charismatic spell or into his bed is not going to happen. She tends to be very inexperienced when it comes to boys, often never having a boyfriend before. She admits to herself she is attracted to him and often wages an internal battle with herself to remain unaffected by him while trying to ferret out his secrets in what makes him tick.

     Unlike Beauty in Beauty and the Beast, the girl in the bad boy stories is not one of the hot, popular girls at the high school that is the type the bad boy sleeps with. This girl tends to be average, an understated beauty or cuteness that doesn't have guys clamoring for her attention. She does not run in the popular circles and tends to avoid them. While Beauty had two sisters who were vain, selfish, and taunted her, this girl often faces the taunts of the popular girls who claim the bad boy for their own.

     But this heroine is not a pushover. Although she is nice, she is feisty and will assert herself when needed. Often what puts her on the bad boy's radar is standing up to him or be seemingly unfazed by his charms. This often surprises and intrigues him as she is unlike all the other girls that surround him. Her reaction is taken as a challenge and he spends a lot of time trying to flirt, tease, and embarrass her in an attempt to get her to crack, not realizing he is falling for her. By the end of the story the bad boy is transformed into his better self by realizing he loves her and the heroine is victorious by winning his love.

     With the theme of the transforming power of love, the bad boy stories are here to stay. The sheer number of stories and readers clamoring to read them tell us this. They will continue to evolve over generations and genres to give us more modern offerings of this tale that is older than time. I have included a list of Wattpad story titles that inspired this post and a chuckle or two.

1.  The Bad Boy And The Tom Boy  (2015 Watty Winner)

          by nikki20038

2.  My Bad Boy Neighbor

3.  The Bad Boy Saw Me Naked

4.  The Bad Boy Stole My Bra

5.  The Bad Boy Stole My Underwear

6.  The Bad Boy's Girl

7.  Bad Boy's Game

8.  Living With The Bad Boy

9.  Breaking The Bad Boy

10. Bad Boy Kisses

11. The Bad Boy Stole My Phone

12. The Bad Boy Saw My Underwear

 

          And on and on and on.....